Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they're like a gay fantastic four
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
