once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
