What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
