Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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