Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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