Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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