Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize