we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
