Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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