I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
