I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
