I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I party with great urgency now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
