I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
