the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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