She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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