Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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