It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
