I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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