The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
