He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
