i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
