It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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