so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
