Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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