This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
