I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
