Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
