spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
