i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
