at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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