I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
