I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
