I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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