I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
