member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
