i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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