you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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