Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
