I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
