I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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