do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this is an emotional support booty call
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
