I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
