Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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