i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
