In the future we'll all be gay
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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