girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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