oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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