ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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