How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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