Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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