If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
