just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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