I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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