I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
whose ass print is on the piano?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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