Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
