I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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