This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
