I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
