I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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