Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
