Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't think brook has ever known best
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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