i just google imaged poop.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
