The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
