i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How does it feel to date your dad?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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