Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
