So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
