I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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