Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
