I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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