It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
