I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
