in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
