I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
