Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
