Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
