awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
