I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
