I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
